A few years ago I spent three weeks in another country as a Bible teacher. It was the most demanding trip I’ve ever taken. I spoke over 20 times in 17 days, taught a two-week graduate course, preached on Sundays, delivered a commencement address, and presided over a funeral. In the evening I tried to write a discipleship course for church back home.
The family I stayed with were very busy, too, so I didn’t see much of them. My emails to my wife didn’t go through (I found out later), and I was not receiving any she wrote to me. I hovered on the edge of illness most of the time. At night I had trouble getting to sleep and was beset with nightmares when I did. I became exhausted, lonely, and somewhat depressed.
I think my ministry was a blessing to people, but it became an ordeal for me personally. In only three weeks my perspective became skewed, and I honestly wondered if I was going to make it home.
In my private moments, when I struggled the most, I came up with a phrase that I prayed to the Lord over and over. “I’m at Your disposal.”