Divine Passives and Under-inflated Footballs

First let me get through the grammar, which I admit nobody cares about. But if you’ll be patient for a few sentences, I do have something better to say.

Active voice vs. passive voice...remember that? "Tom threw the ball." The verb "threw" is active voice, because "Tom" acted - did the throwing. "The ball was thrown." Now the verb is passive voice, since the subject of the sentence, the ball,  was acted upon (it was thrown, poor thing).

Anyhow, anyone who has ever taken a short course on creative writing knows we’re supposed to use active verbs! Don’t say "the balls were under-inflated." Say, "Tom under-inflated the balls." Don’t say, "the game was won by cheating." Say, "Tom won the game by cheating."

A Tale of Two Quarterbacks

When I heard about “inflategate,” I figured it would be no big deal. I’m not a New England Patriots fan, but deliberately underinflating footballs seemed like part of some sort of loony conspiracy theory.

But apparently it might be a real thing.

I saw excerpts of Coach Bill Belichick’s press conference, as he basically “deferred to" (i.e. threw under the bus) his prize quarterback, Tom Brady. As I understand it, Belichick would know nothing about breaking any rules. (Unless, of course, you count presiding over the 2007 illegal sideline videotaping of your opponent’s defensive signals, for which you got fined $500,000. But I digress.)

So then Tom “Possibly the Greatest Quarterback of All Time” Brady faced the press, and reminded me a little of Richard Nixon famously protesting, “I am not a crook.” (I freely admit that  Brady is ‘way handsomer.)

I have no idea if Mr. Brady cheated or not. But for people like me who love football, the whole episode makes you want to take a shower. Or stop watching football.

Come on, Sports Millionaires. You've got fame, fortune, and the adulation of millions of people. Maybe you could use your influence and money for something other than trying to increase your influence and money.

While I was fighting a gag reflex over “inflategate,” I remembered seeing the story of another quarterback. Tim Tebow just opened a pediatric hospital in the Philippines. He’s out of football (not good enough, right?) but he seems to be using his fame and fortune in a different way, toward a different end.

I think I know which of these two quarterbacks will be elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. And I also believe I know which of them is more likely to hear, “‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.”